When I have cut for a reason and they start to fade, I have this horrible impulse to do it again and again. I feel comforted with these cuts on me. I feel like I'm finding any excuse to do it now and when I look at them after, I know that it could have been stopped but I need them on my skin... What do I do?
I understand the feeling of wanting scars on your skin to validate your struggle. You may get scared when they fade because you might still feel bad inside, and want your outsides to reflect this.
I can assure you though that just because you don’t have scars, doesn’t mean your struggles are lesser than those who do.
Depression and struggling with self harm are very personal battles, but don’t have to be fought alone. It sounds like you are ready to stop, there is just that one last part you’re holding on to about your scars.
Talk to someone about this. I know you have so many people surrounding you who could give you a hundred and one reasons why you should be happy and healthy.
I'm a week clean thanks to this blog I haven't gone this far in 10 months so thank you -A
I seriously could not be more proud. Never stop being your strong self. I know that you can do this and make it even further